Go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all filled up here.

One of the hardest things about not understanding what is wrong with you is a constant drive to be perfect, that keeps getting fowled up. I would stand there lecturing me kids, yelling at them to do better, knowing the whole time I needed to stop. But I couldn't. I would go on and on. Screaming to myself to stop internally, yet never ending. After it was over, I would be consumed by guilt. Hating myself for the way I treated me beloved children. Today, I have a better grip on being a parent. It didn't mean that I didn't love my kids or I love them more today. I just am not manic about it. The screaming in my own head isn't there. The ability to let things go is there where as before it wasn't. I know that punishing my children for my own abillity to be perfect is not necessary. That they are good and I'm ok with that. I Have a better understanding about how to handle ppunishment. That not everything is a drastic situation and that if crap happens, its ok to laugh at it. This is also letting me find peace within my own mind. That I don't need to be perfect. That the world will not end if I mess up. Coming to grips with this has help me manage my business better, developed a better relationship with God and givin me peace.
I am not perfect and the people I surround myself with don't expect me to be that way. Life is good, perfection is not the goal. Happiness and joy is... and I'm ok with that.