arning side effects make you crave skittles and m&ms. Its been almost five months since i went on medication for my bipolar disorder. That was also about 25 pounds ago. I tipped the scales today after dinner at 199.7 ... the most I have weighed in my entire life. I feel out of shape, i feel oddly... empty. The medication i am on says one of the main side effects are an increased appetite. It also needs to say that it vanquishes all desires to work out and do physical activities... I was on a schedule of working out 4 to 5 times a week and running about 20 miles a week... that stopped all together. I chalked it up as something i would try to manage with eating lite... fail. I ate my normal meals and snacked nonstop. Its taken this long to gain the wait. but today i quit. quit the snacking, quit the quiting... i ran. It felt awful and yet so much better. I am fashioned a back street boy around my belly when i move about... I just gave up. i gave in...
... but that's the core of this whole bipolar issue. giving in without a fight. not having control. saying i am just going to give in without a fight. Its all in my head. I can find the drive to work out.. i can run... its all excuses that Ive lived my life by. I ran/ walked a 5k this evening... something i could do hands down 5 months ago. Pepper, my dog, was pulling at the leash as if to say "lets go". but i was gassing out. But just like my disorder. I would rather gas out trying the rest of my life then to give in. I can beat this. i can win. i know that it wont be easy getting this extra 25 pounds off of me, but then again, being manic isn't easy, stay calm and collective in my relationships isn't easy, but i am winning a good deal of that fight too...
... see you at the gym!
You can do it, Ron. And thank you for the reminder that I can win my own fights, too.
ReplyDeleteI agree that you can do this, and I am glad you have found a place where you feel comfortable writing your thoughts. I have been looking for a place to blog, so hopefully I can start typing very soon. Thanks again for sharing your experience and thoughts. Julie
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome Kreed. And thank you for the encouraging words. I am always amazed at what I can disregard in my struggles, no matter how important they are.
ReplyDeleteJulie, its been very helpful to blog. People on facebook that I have known for years have come forward with their own admissions of depression and mental illness. Google has a great free blog. The more people read it, the better chance I have of reaching that one person. Give it a whirl. You would be suprised what people will relate too.